"So!" the Doctor started pulling levers and pushing buttons and whirling things around on the TARDIS control console. "To the honey moon? Moon made of honey?"
"Carnivorous moon made of honey," Rory pointed out.
"It's only been two days!" Amy added.
"You couldn't last two days without getting into trouble?" The Doctor pulled a face. "No, wait, what am I talking about? Of course you couldn't. It's really only been two days?"
"Yes, why?" Amy asked. "How long has it been for you?"
He had to think about that. "A while."
"How much of a while?"
"A few months."
"A lot of few months. I was busy!"
"Yes, teaching! At a school. A high school in America, if you must know. I'm going back there after I drop you off if it's only been two days."
"They let you teach?" Rory asked in wonder.
"It's not a very conventional school."
Rory and Amy shared a look. Of course it wasn't a conventional school. "We could come with you," Amy said.
"No?" Amy and Rory asked at the same time.
"No. You can't. Neither of you are allowed."
Amy leaned against the console. "No humans allowed?"
"Plenty of humans allowed, a whole little island town of them with a school and shops and a little hospital for when things go wrong. Plenty of humans. Just not you two."
Rory had a thoughtful expression. "I could get a job at the little hospital."
"I could teach too," Amy added.
"What part of 'no' didn't you two hear? And you couldn't teach."
"Why not? They let you. Or I could be your teaching assistant."
"I have a teaching assistant," the Doctor protested. "Two of them. One left, he was a Viking, but then I got another one."
"Oh, two of them?" Amy was getting louder now. She often did. "Are they pretty?"
"I hadn't noticed," he lied.
"I bet they're blonde."
"One of them is," he had to admit. "Cara. Wears boots that aren't very sensible. Massive self-esteem issues and a slight violent streak. Or should it be slight self-esteem issues and a massive violent streak?"
"And the other? Is she blonde too?"
"Actually," the Doctor said, taking a moment to consider his teaching assistants from last semester, "he's awkward, enthusiastic and is going to be the President of the United States one day. He doesn't know that part yet."
"You don't want us to meet them," Amy guessed.
"I never said you couldn't meet them. I said you aren't allowed to come with me. You're going to go on your honeymoon, do as married couples do and I'll be back before you know it so we can do that thing with the Orient Express...as soon as I figure out where it went."
"You're not giving us a straight answer, Doctor. Why can't we come to this island?"
"Because it's dangerous!" he blurted out. That was a little too loud. He lowered his voice. "Fandom is dangerous."
Rory broke the brief silence that followed. "Vampires are dangerous. Daleks. I turned into a plastic Roman thing. Do you remember that? That was pretty dangerous."
"This is different. It's a different kind of dangerous. I can deal with our universe. It generally follows the basic laws of creation. I know how to work with that, even the unknown bits. Not Fandom. You can come for a visit one day, I promise, but you can't come with me and stay there. I can't save you from Fandom." Amy and Rory were sharing looks again, the Doctor knew, but he wasn't looking at them. When the silence had gone on long enough, he pushed a few more buttons and spoke. "So. Honeymoon."
"Then we're in agreement. Honeymoon on the moon made of honey in a wonderful resort with views you have to see to believe. Plus I've heard they do great tapas."